Son for Life

I have had an epiphany. This is no 9 month pleasure cruise. In less than two weeks, I am going to be expected to perform the duties of a son. This means 24 hours a day of cuteness, niceness, pretending to be interested in whatever my parents are doing, and playing nice with others. On top of that, I am going to have to make constant progress in order to stay in my parents good graces. Sure it starts with tummy time, next you know they will want me to crawl, then stand, start to walk, bath myself, and worst of all take care of my own toilet business. (Not even the Kuess family dogs have to do that). So, I ask you, why wasn't I consulted prior to becoming a son. I don't remember applying for the position or filling out the necessary paper work in order to qualify for son lifetime benefits. Instead, my mother and father made this decisions for me.

I sure hope this is not a sign of things to come,

LT

TIGHT FIT!

It has been awhile since my last post. Life is getting very hard for me right now. You see my quarters are extremely tight. Last night I tried to literally pop my head straight out in hopes of breaking free. If you imagine a nuclear submarine surfacing over the polar ice cap then you will get a good visual of what I was attempting to accomplish. Of course, much like everything I try to do these days - my efforts proved futile.

I do want to thank everyone for there words of encouragement. If you have any advice on how I can escape to freedom please pass them along.

p.s. Scooters on Belmont and Paulina is the best ice cream in the world. I love it when it slides down my food shoot.

Luke Thomas

Frank the Tank

Well it is official, I have a nick name - "Frank the Tank". Not "Frank the Tank" based on the very popular Frank character portrayed by Will Ferrell in Old School Movie, but Frank as in Frank Breech. The old man, says I am ass backwards which is hardly a clinical definition of how I choose to be presented to the world. Instead, I like to think of myself as a trickster and will come on out mooning America with by baby butt cheeks. So while, I might not be nick named after the Will Ferrell character, I have surely adopted some of his sophomoric pranks.

"Who wants to go streaking in the Quad!"

LT

Death Trap

I am in Danger. I need to let the whole world know that a death trap has been set for me. This weekend I was with the woman, when I heard a new voice speak of me falling to sleep and never waking up. This was during some meeting of adult people known as CPR. It turns out that my bed to which I am supposed to sleep can be the point of my demise. How will I ever sleep knowing that it could be my last night on earth? How will my parents ever shut an eye, knowing that I may never wake? Clearly there has to be a better system for little head to rest. SIDS... very serious subject, but even scarier when you are the little guy to whom the threat is directed.

I have attached a picture of my booby trapped dwelling... it looks cute, but that is how they suck you in. Much like the Venus Fly Trap.

LT

Beach vs Breech

Today, I learned there is a big difference between the Beach and a Breech. The beach is a warm place, with lots of sands, where I can run half naked head first into the surf. A breech is when I decide to lay on my side within my mom's belly and scare my parents half to death. Next Tuesday my folks will be going in to see Doctor Wise. She must be very smart to have a last name of Wise. Perhaps, when I am born I will forgo my last name and be known as Luke Thomas Genius. Much like that Tricky Willy Coyote Super Genius.

Time to rest my head for a while and ponder the meaning of the universe,

L "Bad Baby" T

YUCK! Stinky Carpet

Bad news. My rooms stinks. In an attempt to fill my life with every possible luxury known to modern children, my parents have invested in a used carpet. Now, I am a very modern child, but appreciate the older finer things in life such as a good antique or a warm hug from a grandparent. However, when my parents purchased a used carpet that smells like another child's pee - that is where I draw the line. I shall protest this purchase by relieving myself in plastic underwear for at least the next 18 months.

LT

I have a twin!

Over the weekend I discovered I have a twin. While the woman was showering a second me came into my immediate vicinity. I am not sure if this twin was somehow cloned from my DNA, perhaps some Alien abduction took place or is a natural phenomenon. I do know that I am intellectually superior to my twin. Just look at me looking quite stylish in my polka-dots while my twin was sporting white. Obviously, my twin in intellectually inferior and does not know that you cannot wear white until after memorial day. Perhaps the Aliens which may have cloned me are unaware of this as well.

LT (Countdown to 6-6-07)