Showing my Independence

It is time that I break off and begin showing the world my independence. Now it is well know that the biggest sports rivalry in all of North America is Ohio State verse Michigan. Say what you want about USC vs Notre Dame, Yankees vs Red Sox's or Redskins/Cowboys - when it comes down to two teams hating each other there is nothing bigger than Ohio State verse Michigan. It has something to do with the State of Ohio being given land from Michigan by President Andrew Jackson, but I digress (plus I haven't had a single history class yet, so cut me some slack). Regardless, knowing full well that my mother is a passionate Ohio State fan, I decided that it was time to show her that I am fully able of making my own decisions by wearing my favorite Michigan Sweatshirt. Unfortunately Michigan got crushed that day by the Ohio State Buckeyes, so I will need to pick another team that can actually win a game to claim as my champion.

Hey, I am not even a year old and allow to be fickle.

LT

No Voice

There is a terrible side affect from being so young. I don't have a properly developed voice which to convey my displeasure when unpleasant or otherwise illegal acts are taken against me. Just look at this outfit that my parents placed me in and then dragged me around the cool October evening. Now as I am sure many of you are aware of, fall does have a hunting season in many states within our union. Therefore dressing me up as a hare is sure way to place me in the line of fire of an over exuberant urban hunter. I shall work on developing my voice in order to shout my displeasure in the future and to avoid becoming a statistic.

I write my own material

It has come to my attention that some of my friends in the blogosphere do not believe that I write my own material. Therefore this week I have attached an image of me in front of the keyboard hard at work. You will undoubtedly notice my complete concentration as I bang away at the keys. Much like Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart I am passionate about my work.

So take that haters!

LTN

Bug Problem

We have a bug problem! A serious one. Now I fully understand that my shortened stature affects the perspective in regards to the camera, thus making the bug appear larger than it actually is. However, no one amongst you can deny that regardless of my 2 foot height, that the bug in the picture is of world record proportions. Someone please call the Orkin man. I heard that he cares about children in distress.

Sha - Na - Na

Pig Attack!

12.5 Percent

Sorry fans. I have been quite busy touring this great land of ours. In fact the best thing happened to me about 3 weeks ago, I got to meet my GREAT-GREAT Grandfather. The coolest thing is I have exactly 12.5 percent of this genes. That's right, not only am I a super cute kid, but a math wiz as well. See if you can follow the break down.

50% Mom
50% Dad
25% Grandma One
25% Grandpa Two
25% Grandma One
25% Grandpa Two

which makes me:
12.5% Great Grandpa

I don't get to see him too much since he moved down to the Carolinas, but I did decide to leave him with a little present. Guess I must have had some leakage that day.

LT (the Sprinkler)

Steve Jobs Hates Children

The long wait is over... since the day I was brought on this earth I have dreamed of coming to face-2-face with the worlds most perfect object... the iPhone. However, I quickly discovered that the world is a cruel and cold place. There is a major flaw in the design... the iPhone was nearly as large as my head. How was I ever going to pick it up!?! My hands are too tiny to even get a good grasp and you can forget about trying to hold it in one hand, while I dial with another.

For a company that prides itself on usability, Apple really missed the mark with the under one year old demographic.

Better luck next time Mr. Steve Jobs, I am going back to my Zoolander mini-model phone.

LT

Cheesery

Those of you may not know, but Ohio University is famous for one place - nicknamed the Cheesery. This was a night club where young colleague students would descend like flies to picnic leftovers. Each weekend impressionable students would pull out their greatest dance moves in hopes of attracting the eye of the opposite sex. One of the classics is known as ‘the Sprinkler’. A practitioner of ‘the Sprinkler’ would place one hand behind their head and the other out in front of them. Then in perfect (or not so perfect) beat with the music, pan from left to right like a garden sprinkler.

Clearly I have perfected this classic move and am well on the way to a healthy dating life.

Eat your heart out ladies.

LT (in the house)

Land of Giants

I live in a land of Giants. Everywhere I turn there are these colossal creatures at every turn (one of them is thinking about eating my hand in the picture). This week two additional creatures have joined the mother and father creature. These new creatures appear to be much wiser than the mother and father creature. They certainly are more experienced and definitely know how to handle me much better. They go by grandma and grandpa. I will have to learn more about them this week as I have overheard that they are plotting to stick around awhile.

LT

Get my best side

Well, I am officially home. Right back in my folks apartment. I have discovered that much like my good friends Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton, the Paparazzi are out to get me. Everywhere I turn, there is a camera in my face. Now, I am not shy about my good baby looks, however sometimes I do not look my best or they don't get my good side. So, I would like to make a deal with the Paparazzi... if you guys promise to only release my best shots; I will promise to always pose for a photo op.

Out of Office

I will be out of the office from Thursday, June 7 until Monday, June 11. During this time I will have no access to my blog. If you need to get a hold of me please contact my parents.... they go by Mom and Dad.

LT

24 Hours

The countdown has begun. In just over 24 hours, I will take my first step into the world. I know that my parents are a little stressed about me being born, but look at it from my perspective. In 24 hours, I will get yanked out of the only home I have ever known and cast into a completely new world. I have no idea that I have hands or feet - for that matter, I am not even sure what hands or feet are. In the past 9 months, I have lived in a free floating state, just going about my daily routine. When, I pop out all the sudden gravity will become very real to me as I feel the full pull on my body. Finally, it is going to be cold! I am accustomed to 98.6 degrees temperatures and the first thing that is going to happen to me is that I will be born in a 60 degree hospital room.

So, worry not parents. While you might be stressed about having me around, I am going to be completely FREAKED OUT about my new life. (I am not sure what FREAKED OUT means, but I hear my mom use it a lot).

LT

No Garlic!

This Thursday is the big day. I will be seeing everyone really soon. Can't wait until I get to see everyone, though I forewarn you my sight is not really good. I can only view objects about 4 inches away. Therefore, I have a request. No garlic please. No sticky Limburger cheese. No nasty alphalpha sprouts, which I have heard can be quite nasty. In general nothing that will distrub me or in any way upset my environment during my first 24 - 72 hours. Also, make sure to know "The 5s" from the happiest baby in the block in order to fully be able to handle me with care.

Love you all,

LT

Son for Life

I have had an epiphany. This is no 9 month pleasure cruise. In less than two weeks, I am going to be expected to perform the duties of a son. This means 24 hours a day of cuteness, niceness, pretending to be interested in whatever my parents are doing, and playing nice with others. On top of that, I am going to have to make constant progress in order to stay in my parents good graces. Sure it starts with tummy time, next you know they will want me to crawl, then stand, start to walk, bath myself, and worst of all take care of my own toilet business. (Not even the Kuess family dogs have to do that). So, I ask you, why wasn't I consulted prior to becoming a son. I don't remember applying for the position or filling out the necessary paper work in order to qualify for son lifetime benefits. Instead, my mother and father made this decisions for me.

I sure hope this is not a sign of things to come,

LT

TIGHT FIT!

It has been awhile since my last post. Life is getting very hard for me right now. You see my quarters are extremely tight. Last night I tried to literally pop my head straight out in hopes of breaking free. If you imagine a nuclear submarine surfacing over the polar ice cap then you will get a good visual of what I was attempting to accomplish. Of course, much like everything I try to do these days - my efforts proved futile.

I do want to thank everyone for there words of encouragement. If you have any advice on how I can escape to freedom please pass them along.

p.s. Scooters on Belmont and Paulina is the best ice cream in the world. I love it when it slides down my food shoot.

Luke Thomas

Frank the Tank

Well it is official, I have a nick name - "Frank the Tank". Not "Frank the Tank" based on the very popular Frank character portrayed by Will Ferrell in Old School Movie, but Frank as in Frank Breech. The old man, says I am ass backwards which is hardly a clinical definition of how I choose to be presented to the world. Instead, I like to think of myself as a trickster and will come on out mooning America with by baby butt cheeks. So while, I might not be nick named after the Will Ferrell character, I have surely adopted some of his sophomoric pranks.

"Who wants to go streaking in the Quad!"

LT

Death Trap

I am in Danger. I need to let the whole world know that a death trap has been set for me. This weekend I was with the woman, when I heard a new voice speak of me falling to sleep and never waking up. This was during some meeting of adult people known as CPR. It turns out that my bed to which I am supposed to sleep can be the point of my demise. How will I ever sleep knowing that it could be my last night on earth? How will my parents ever shut an eye, knowing that I may never wake? Clearly there has to be a better system for little head to rest. SIDS... very serious subject, but even scarier when you are the little guy to whom the threat is directed.

I have attached a picture of my booby trapped dwelling... it looks cute, but that is how they suck you in. Much like the Venus Fly Trap.

LT

Beach vs Breech

Today, I learned there is a big difference between the Beach and a Breech. The beach is a warm place, with lots of sands, where I can run half naked head first into the surf. A breech is when I decide to lay on my side within my mom's belly and scare my parents half to death. Next Tuesday my folks will be going in to see Doctor Wise. She must be very smart to have a last name of Wise. Perhaps, when I am born I will forgo my last name and be known as Luke Thomas Genius. Much like that Tricky Willy Coyote Super Genius.

Time to rest my head for a while and ponder the meaning of the universe,

L "Bad Baby" T

YUCK! Stinky Carpet

Bad news. My rooms stinks. In an attempt to fill my life with every possible luxury known to modern children, my parents have invested in a used carpet. Now, I am a very modern child, but appreciate the older finer things in life such as a good antique or a warm hug from a grandparent. However, when my parents purchased a used carpet that smells like another child's pee - that is where I draw the line. I shall protest this purchase by relieving myself in plastic underwear for at least the next 18 months.

LT

I have a twin!

Over the weekend I discovered I have a twin. While the woman was showering a second me came into my immediate vicinity. I am not sure if this twin was somehow cloned from my DNA, perhaps some Alien abduction took place or is a natural phenomenon. I do know that I am intellectually superior to my twin. Just look at me looking quite stylish in my polka-dots while my twin was sporting white. Obviously, my twin in intellectually inferior and does not know that you cannot wear white until after memorial day. Perhaps the Aliens which may have cloned me are unaware of this as well.

LT (Countdown to 6-6-07)

Space Traveler

I have decided that I am a Space Traveler. Last evening as I laid down my head, I heard the same old familiar voice. Today, as I wake up there were new voices in the background. Clearly, I must be in a different location from yesterday. Most likely a wormhole opened in the space-time continuum during my slumber and instantaneously sucked me into a new location. I must try to find a similar wormhole that can remove me from my daily decreasing quarters - this will be my project for the upcoming weeks.

I also wonder what the big deal is about bathing... the woman keeps talking about a shower. She must be really dirty.

LT

Apple a Day

Well the woman who carries me around must be taking her apple a day, because I got a clean bill of health at the Doctor. Of course, I knew I was in good shape. I have been swimming in this pool of water for the past 7+ months. That has got to be good for my young heart.

I also heard a rumor that there might be a new bed for me once I decide to come out of the pool and dry off. The other deep cranky voice that is always talking about this thing called money... told the woman that he bought me a better mattress than they sleep on. I am cute and I am worth it!

Hot Boy Luke Out!

My Favorite Color?

The problem with parents is that they are always making decisions for you. Take my room for example. Now I haven't even had a single day of sun shine my caucasion behind and my folks are already pushing their beliefs on me. The other day, my old man went out and bought a pint of paint, brushes, tarps and tape in order to paint my room. Do you think they consulted me on how I would like it painted, what color I might appreciate, what sort of characters should adorning the valence? Heck no! They go behind my back and make all those decisions for me without any thought to what I might like.

Regardless to the right is the decoration they have picked out for me... I am not sure what these creatures are, but I look forward to asking for one to ride during the Tree Sacrificing Holiday where they shower me with gifts.

The disgruntled child

My First Post

Well, I am not born yet... but I am excited to meet everyone. I get so excited that sometimes, I kick a little bit. Not sure my mom likes it so much... but here is a picture of me as of today.

See you June 6th.

LT